13 Trump hotels planned for Canada
Donald Trump revealed plans to build a Trump Hotel in every Canadian province and territory. “Canada is big, it’s beautiful, and it’s ready for some real luxury,” Trump declared from a podium adorned with both American and Canadian flags. He outlined a vision for 13 new Trump Hotels, each custom-designed to reflect the unique character and geographical features of its host region.
Trump Ontario: Towering over Toronto’s skyline
Standing at a colossal 105 stories, Trump Ontario will feature the tallest observation deck in Canada, equipped with gold-plated telescopes that can zoom in on American landmarks across Lake Ontario. “You can practically read the menu at Buffalo Wild Wings from up there,” Trump boasted. The hotel will also feature the Longest Lobby in North America, stretching a half-mile with moving walkways because, according to Trump, “Walking is overrated.”
Trump Quebec: Château de Luxe
Modeled after the historic Château Frontenac, Trump Quebec will be a castle-themed luxury hotel with faux turrets and an indoor cobblestone village. Street performers will juggle flaming golf balls, while bilingual bellhops serenade guests with MAGA-themed chansons. Trump promises it will be the most “French-but-also-American” experience one can have outside of Disneyland Paris.
Trump British Columbia: Rainforest retreat
Perched atop the cliffs of Vancouver Island, Trump British Columbia is set to be the world’s first luxury hotel that also serves as a cloud forest observatory. The lobby is a towering atrium filled with waterfalls and live bald eagles that occasionally swoop in to grab a croissant from unsuspecting guests. “It’s nature with five stars,” Trump said. “Nobody’s done nature like this before. Nobody.”
Trump Alberta: Oil baron’s paradise
In a nod to Alberta’s oil-rich history, Trump Alberta will include a luxury fracking experience—for $50,000 a night, guests can try their hand at extracting crude oil from the hotel’s private well. “I call it Frack & Relax,” Trump quipped, adding that the spa treatments will include mud baths made from genuine Alberta tar sands.
Trump Saskatchewan: The flattest hotel on earth
True to the spirit of the province, Trump Saskatchewan will be a single-story, mile-long luxury hotel. “It’s the flattest, most spacious hotel you’ve ever seen,” Trump declared. Every room comes with complimentary binoculars and an optional horseback ride to the breakfast buffet, which is a full quarter-mile from the lobby. “We’ve got prairie views that go on forever. Forever!”
Trump Manitoba: Polar vortex spa
Designed as a winter wonderland, Trump Manitoba will feature a year-round indoor snow park with simulated blizzards and igloo cabanas. The spa includes a Cryo Chamber Suite that reaches temperatures of -40°F, which Trump called “invigorating and terrific for the skin—believe me.”
Trump Yukon: Gold rush experience
Trump Yukon will be themed after the historic Gold Rush of the 1890s. Guests will have access to a replica mining town complete with pickaxes, mule rides, and—according to Trump—“actual gold nuggets we’ve placed in the river, so you can strike it rich…or at least Instagram it.” The penthouse suite, called The Prospector’s Dream, is a literal log cabin with gold fixtures and a clawfoot tub made from reclaimed Yukon timber.
Trump Northwest Territories: Aurora Borealis ballroom
Promising to be the most extravagant of the collection, Trump Northwest Territories will feature a glass-domed ballroom where guests can watch the Northern Lights while dining on $500 steaks. Trump claimed, “It’s the only place where you can see the aurora and order caviar at the same time.”
Trump Nunavut: Arctic oasis
A luxury igloo resort accessible only by private jet or dogsled, Trump Nunavut will offer “the most remote luxury you can find.” Heated floors, fur-lined blankets (faux, for legal reasons), and sled-pulled room service are standard. “Nobody else is even thinking about luxury at negative 50 degrees. We’re doing it,” Trump insisted.
Trump Prince Edward Island: Lobster luxe
Trump PEI will be entirely seafood-themed, featuring a Lobster Lagoon where guests can catch and cook their own dinner. The hotel’s main restaurant, Claws & Effect, promises a dining experience where you pick your lobster, negotiate its ransom, and dine overlooking the Atlantic.
Trump Newfoundland and Labrador: Fog city towers
Inspired by the perpetual fog that blankets the area, Trump Newfoundland will include a Fog Simulator in its lobby. “It’s mysterious. It’s dramatic. It’s very moody,” Trump explained. The hotel will also feature the Whale Watch Lounge, where guests can view life-sized holograms of orcas swimming through virtual icebergs.
Trump Nova Scotia: Seaside spectacle
Trump Nova Scotia will be a sprawling seaside resort, complete with replica lighthouses that double as luxury suites. The boardwalk features Trump-branded chowder shacks and a Lobster Derby where guests can race crustaceans for prizes. “I’ve always said, Nova Scotia is great, but it’s never been quite Trump enough—until now.”
Trump concluded his announcement by saying, “When I’m done, people will be saying, ‘Why isn’t the whole world like this?’ And you know what? It probably should be.”